An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests.
First, she wanted to be cremated. Second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Walmart.
"Walmart?" the preacher exclaimed. "Why Walmart?"
"Then I'll be sure my daughters will visit me twice a week."
A dad grew increasingly displeased as his teenage daughter and her boyfriend studied in her room late one evening. Finally losing his patience, he knocked sharply on her door. Her boyfriend immediately opened it and asked if something was wrong.
"I have to ask you to move your car," the father exclaimed.
"Oh, sure. Is it in someone's way?"
"No," the dad replied, "it's at the wrong address."
Three mothers are sitting on a bench talking about how much their sons love them. Sadie says, "You know the Chagall painting hanging in my living room? My son, Arnold, bought that for me for my 75th birthday."
Minnie says, "You call that love? You know the Mercedes I just got for Mother's Day? That's from my son Bernie."
Shirley says, "That's nothing. You know my son Stanley? He's in analysis with a psychoanalyst in Harley Street. Five session a week. And what does he talk about? Me."