business jokes

Do you know why malt stands are constantly rated best businesses of the year?

They always give customers a fair shake.

Did you hear about the problems in the Woodworkers Union?

A radical group broke off and formed a splinter group.

There was once a couple named Nancy and Mike Tate, and it was their life's dream to have a compass company. They finally saved enough money and started the Tate's Compass Company. Luck was with them, for the first contract they acquired was to manufacture 750,000 compasses for the Boy Scouts.
Nancy and Mike worked feverishly day and night to meet their deadline, and finished just before the Boy Scout Jamboree was to begin. On the day of the Boy Scout Wilderness hike, each boy scout was given a Tate's Compass to help them find their way. Unfortunately, it was discovered a little too late that every single compass was made with the colored point of the needle facing
the wrong way, so when one was facing North, the needle pointed to the South.
Needless to say, all of the boy scouts got lost and it was the biggest fiasco known in Boy Scout history. The Tate's compass company went out of business, but from this experience came the familiar adage, "He who has a Tate's is lost." (Say it out loud).

Here's a humorous story about a wealthy businessman as told by one of his grandchildren. Back in 1927 the businessman was bringing his wife, new baby and a nurse home from the hospital in a brand new Lincoln. As luck would have it, the car stalled on the tracks and they could hear a whistle blowing in the distance. Now, the man would rather risk his life than admit he couldn't handle any problem.
He looked at his watch and said calmly, ''The 4:05 is right on time.'' ''My baby!'' screamed his wife. ''Let's get out!'' ''What! And leave a $6,000 Lincoln on the tracks!'' He snapped. ''If you will just settle down, I'll get it started.''
But nobody settled down, and the train came into view. Everyone left the car except the businessman. He leaned out the window and yelled to his wife, ''Hey Ruth. In case I get killed, the key to the vault is behind the Shakespeare book in my study.''
The conductor, slowing down for a stop anyway, managed to halt the train ten feet from the car.
''Darn!'' cursed the businessman. ''Now I've got to find a new hiding place for the vault key!''