Three farmers chat. The first one tells, "I have grown such a big apple that when I put it on a chair, it broke down."
The second one says, "I have grown an even bigger apple! When I put it on a table, it broke."
The third one says, "I grew an extremely big apple. I put it in a carriage..."
The two farmers interrupt, "Did it break???"
"No, a worm got out of it and ate the horse!"
An accountant is in a car traveling with a farmer client around his farm. They pass a large group of sheep and the farmer says, "You're pretty good with numbers, Keith. How many sheep do you reckon are in that paddock?"
The accountant looks at the sheep for a moment and says, "One thousand, eight hundred and thirty two."
The farmer is amazed. "Exactly right," he says. "How did you work that out so fast?"
"Easy," says the accountant, "I counted the number of feet and divided by four."