A farmer is walking with a prospective buyer when they see a beautiful pig in the yard, except it has a wooden leg. The buyer asks, "Why the wooden leg?"
The farmer replies, "That pig is so smart, I let it drive the kids to school."
"Great, but why the wooden leg?"
"The pig is so smart it has a degree in horticulture and philosophy."
"Amazing! But why the bloody wooden leg?"
"Well when you have a pig that smart, you don't eat it all at once!"
A man answered a knock on his door one morning. An electric company worker handed him a piece of paper stating that the electric company would like to run a power line through his pasture.
The man said, "No."
"Legally, that paper says we can." replied the worker.
As the worker turned and left returning to his co-workers in the field, the man went to his barn and turned his bull loose into the pasture.
As the bull rumbled toward the workers in the field, the man hollered, "Show HIM your paper!"
A farmer was walking in his field. He heard 2 potatoes say, "I only have eyes for you."
The corn plants said, "I have ears and I can hear you."
The potato said, "Don't worry, the daisies won't tell!"
And through the grape vine they all heard a voice say, "Oh, 'peas' be quiet, I am trying to sleep."