A man came to the farmers market and asked for two carrots. He got two carrots, put them in his ears, and left. The second day he came and did the same thing.
The third day he came and the salesman said, "Sorry, we don't have carrots. We only have cucumbers."
So the man bought two cucumbers and put one in each of his ears. The salesman had enough and asked, "Hey, how come you put those cucumbers in your ears?"
The man replied, "Because you didn't have any carrots."
Scarecrows are always outstanding in their field...
But HAY, its in their JEANS!
A Missouri farmer passed away and left 17 mules to his three sons. The instructions left in the will said that the oldest boy was to get one-half, the second oldest one-third, and the youngest one-ninth. The three sons, recognizing the difficulty of dividing 17 mules into these fractions, began to argue.
Their uncle heard about the argument, hitched up his mule and drove out to settle the matter. He added his mule to the 17, making 18. The oldest therefore got one-half, or nine, the second oldest got one-third, or six, and the youngest son got one-ninth, or two. Adding up 9, 6 and 2 equals 17. The uncle, having settled the argument, hitched up his mule and drove home.
A city slicker goes to visit his cousin who owns an apple orchard. The cousin takes him out to show him the bountiful crop on the trees.
The city slicker sees all the apples and asks, "How many apples grow on trees?"
His cousin smiles and says, "All of them."