A friend of mine told her husband they had a Catholic bird in their yard.
"A what? How do you know it's a Catholic bird?"
"Because it's a Cardinal."
Six-year old Sammy: "Mommy, I want to have a baby..."
Mommy: "I'm sorry Sammy, but little boys can't have babies."
Sammy: "Oh, okay... in that case, can I have a pony?"
Farmer to Customer: "Do you know how to tell the difference between a Georgia peach and a Great Northern peach?"
Farmer: "Their accent."
Doctor: "Ms. Markus, I want you to go to the lab for a blood workup. You don't have to fast."
Ms. Markus: "Fast? Doctor I'm seventy-nine, how fast can I go? I can barely walk!"