marriage jokes

What's the difference between a dog barking on the front porch and an angry spouse yelling on the back porch?

The dog quits barking once back inside.

Soon after our last child left home for college, my husband was resting next to me on the couch with his head in my lap. I carefully removed his glasses.

"You know, honey," I said sweetly, "Without your glasses you look like the same handsome young man I married."

"Honey," he replied with a grin, "Without my glasses, you still look pretty good too!"

There was this man who muttered a few words in the church and found himself married...

A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced.

A little girl loses one of her baby teeth. That night, before bed, she puts it under her pillow for the Tooth Fairy.

The next day she wakes up, looks under the pillow, and the tooth is still there. She asks her mother why the Tooth Fairy didn’t come?

Instead of explaining the mother yells out to her husband, ”Bill, you forgot to put out the tooth fairy money, didn’t you?”