"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," said Jack as he stepped out of the shower. "Honey, what do you assume the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn wearing my swimming trunks?"
"Probably that I married you for your money."
The other day my wife started a conversation with a weird question...
"ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME?!?!"
Mark was passing by the bar on the way home from work when he sees his good friend Tom gulping down one shot after another.
Fearing the worst, Mark charged into the bar and confronted Tom. “Tom what’s going on?” Mark asked.
“It’s my wife Beckie,” Tom replied. “She ran off with my best friend!”
“Hey wait a second!" said Mark. “Aren’t I your best friend?”
“Not any more,” Tom said with a happy smile. “He is!”
One of my customers at the department of motor vehicles wanted a personalized license plate with his wedding anniversary on it. As we completed the paperwork he explained, "This way I can't forget the date."
A few hours later, I recognized the same young man waiting in my line. When his turn came, he said somewhat sheepishly, "I need to change the numbers on that plate application."