maryjones Profile

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maryjones

User Details

Member Since : Nov, 2018
# of jokes posted : 485
# of followers : 4
# of following: 0
eligible jokes to win : 0
Location: United States
won: $ 1291.00
$10.00 won 8 votes

It was my first night caring for an elderly patient. When he grew sleepy, I wheeled his chair as close to the bed as possible and, using the techniques I’d learned in school, grasped him in a bear hug to lift him onto the bed. But I couldn’t clear the top of the mattress. So I grabbed him again, summoned all my might, and hoisted him onto the bed.

When the night shift nurse arrived, I recounted what had happened. “Funny,” she said, looking puzzled. “Usually I just ask him to get in bed, and he does.”

8 votes

CATEGORY Elderly Jokes
Joke Won 5th Place won $10.00
posted by "maryjones" |
$9.00 won 8 votes

Three Engineering students at a prestigious university were sharing a can of "one-calorie" diet cola. After pouring it equally into three cups one of them drank his. Then the second drank hers.

The third Engineer just stared at the cup suspiciously. "I wonder who got the calorie?"

8 votes

Joke Won 6th Place won $9.00
posted by "maryjones" |
$50.00 won 10 votes

Drill Sergeant (speaking to new recruit having difficulty): "What was your occupation before enlisting in the army?"

Recruit: "Traveling salesman, sir."

Drill Sergeant: "Stick around, you'll get plenty of orders around here!"

10 votes

CATEGORY Military Jokes
Joke Won 1st Place won $50.00
posted by "maryjones" |
$50.00 won 11 votes

The dad took his young daughter to the movies. He occupied a seat near the middle of the theater, while the young lady went down to the front row to sit with her friends. The news reel was showing about the raging forest fires in California, which evidently frightened the little girl as she came back to take a seat next to dad.

"What's the matter?" he asked. "Did the fire frighten you?"

"Oh, no," she replied, "the smoke was getting in my eyes."

11 votes

CATEGORY Kid Jokes
Joke Won 1st Place won $50.00
posted by "maryjones" |