After a completing his investigation the detective indicated that he thought it was foul play.

The other detective said, “You mean he was playing with birds?”

A kindhearted judge was commiserating with the wife. "Your husband really has a problem. Has he ever tried Alcoholics Anonymous?"

"I'm sure he has," she nodded sadly. "That man will drink anything."

It was my first night caring for an elderly patient. When he grew sleepy, I wheeled his chair as close to the bed as possible and, using the techniques I’d learned in school, grasped him in a bear hug to lift him onto the bed. But I couldn’t clear the top of the mattress. So I grabbed him again, summoned all my might, and hoisted him onto the bed.

When the night shift nurse arrived, I recounted what had happened. “Funny,” she said, looking puzzled. “Usually I just ask him to get in bed, and he does.”

Three Engineering students at a prestigious university were sharing a can of "one-calorie" diet cola. After pouring it equally into three cups one of them drank his. Then the second drank hers.

The third Engineer just stared at the cup suspiciously. "I wonder who got the calorie?"