One day a Stepford Wife entered an auto body shop claiming that she’d suffered extensive damage to her new car.
The mechanic thought he’d have some fun with her so he told her that she didn’t need him to fixed all the dents.
He said she could fix them herself by blowing into the tailpipe as hard as she could and they’d all pop out.
The Stepford Wives went home and proceeded to get down on her hands and knees in the driveway. She was blowing into the pipe as hard as she could and her face was turning purple when The Stepford Wife from across the street walked over and asked what she was doing?
After hearing the whole story the second Stepford Wife pauses for a moment then responds, “Hello! The windows are down!"
The cowboy was trying to buy a health insurance policy. The insurance agent was going down the list of standard questions.
"Ever have an accident?"
"Nope, nary a one."
"None? You've never had any accidents."
"Nope. Ain't had one. Never."
"Well, you said in this form you were bitten by a snake once. Wouldn't you consider that an accident?"
"Heck, no. That dang varmint bit me on purpose."
Two deer hunters hired a pilot to take them way back into the forest. After the hunt, the pilot returned and saw that they shot six deer.
"The plane won't carry six deer, you'll have to leave two of them," said the pilot, trying to be friendly.
Unwilling to leave their dead deer, the hunters said "We got six on the plane last year."
The pilot gave in, and just five minutes after takeoff the plane crashed into the forest. Lucky to be alive, one of the hunters said, "Any idea where we are?"
The second hunter said, "Yeah, right about where our plane went down last year."
The little church in the suburbs suddenly stopped buying from its regular office supply dealer. So, the dealer telephoned Deacon Brown to ask why.
"I'll tell you why," began Deacon Brown. "Our church ordered some pencils from you to be used in the pews for visitors to register."
"Didn't you receive them yet?"
"Oh, we received them all right," replied Deacon Brown. "However, you sent us some golf pencils... each stamped with the words, `Play Golf Next Sunday.'"