maryjones Profile

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maryjones

User Details

Member Since : Nov, 2018
# of jokes posted : 494
# of followers : 4
# of following: 0
eligible jokes to win : 0
Location: United States
won: $ 1316.00
$25.00 won 10 votes

A kindhearted judge was commiserating with the wife. "Your husband really has a problem. Has he ever tried Alcoholics Anonymous?"

"I'm sure he has," she nodded sadly. "That man will drink anything."

10 votes

CATEGORY Judge Jokes
Joke Won 2nd Place won $25.00
posted by "maryjones" |
$10.00 won 8 votes

It was my first night caring for an elderly patient. When he grew sleepy, I wheeled his chair as close to the bed as possible and, using the techniques I’d learned in school, grasped him in a bear hug to lift him onto the bed. But I couldn’t clear the top of the mattress. So I grabbed him again, summoned all my might, and hoisted him onto the bed.

When the night shift nurse arrived, I recounted what had happened. “Funny,” she said, looking puzzled. “Usually I just ask him to get in bed, and he does.”

8 votes

CATEGORY Elderly Jokes
Joke Won 5th Place won $10.00
posted by "maryjones" |
$9.00 won 8 votes

Three Engineering students at a prestigious university were sharing a can of "one-calorie" diet cola. After pouring it equally into three cups one of them drank his. Then the second drank hers.

The third Engineer just stared at the cup suspiciously. "I wonder who got the calorie?"

8 votes

Joke Won 6th Place won $9.00
posted by "maryjones" |
$50.00 won 10 votes

Drill Sergeant (speaking to new recruit having difficulty): "What was your occupation before enlisting in the army?"

Recruit: "Traveling salesman, sir."

Drill Sergeant: "Stick around, you'll get plenty of orders around here!"

10 votes

CATEGORY Military Jokes
Joke Won 1st Place won $50.00
posted by "maryjones" |