A boy was sitting on a bus and eating one piece of chocolate after the other. A man sat down next to him and said, “Eating so much chocolate isn’t good for you boy.”
The boy answered, “My grandfather died when he was 112 years old.”
The man asked, “Do you think he lived so long because he was eating lots of chocolate?”
The boy answered, “He lived so long because he minded his own business.”
The cowboy was trying to buy a health insurance policy. The insurance agent was going down the list of standard questions.
"Ever have an accident?"
"Nope, nary a one."
"None? You've never had any accidents."
"Nope. Ain't had one. Never."
"Well, you said in this form you were bitten by a snake once. Wouldn't you consider that an accident?"
"Heck, no. That dang varmint bit me on purpose."