maryjones Profile

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maryjones

User Details

Member Since : Nov, 2018
# of jokes posted : 485
# of followers : 4
# of following: 0
eligible jokes to win : 0
Location: United States
won: $ 1291.00
$8.00 won 9 votes

There was a football game of note between the big animals and the little animals. The big animals were crushing little animals and at half-time, the coach made a passionate speech to rally the little animals.

At the start of the second half the big animals had the ball. The first play, the elephant got stopped for no gain. The second play, the rhino was stopped for no gain. On third down, the hippo was thrown for a 5 yard loss. The defense huddled around the coach and he asked excitedly, "Who stopped the elephant?"

"I did," said the centipede.

"Who stopped the rhino?"

"Uh, that was me too," said the centipede.

"And how about the hippo? Who hit him for a 5 yard loss?"

"Well, that was me as well," said the centipede.

"So where were you during the first half?" demanded the coach.

"Well," said the centipede, "I was having my ankles taped."

9 votes

CATEGORY Animal Jokes
Joke Won 7th Place won $8.00
posted by "maryjones" |
$12.00 won 9 votes

Wife #1: Hey, Lynn, tell me this. How did you get your husband from staying out late?

Wife #2: Well, every time he would come home I would simply say, 'Mike, is that you?'

Wife #1: But I still don't understand. How did that kept him from staying out?

Wife #2: My husband's name is Andrew...

9 votes

CATEGORY Marriage Jokes
Joke Won 4th Place won $12.00
posted by "maryjones" |
$10.00 won 13 votes

Husband: "Now that we are married, perhaps I might venture to point out a few of your little defects."

Wife: "Don't bother, dear. I'm quite aware of them. It was those little defects that prevented me from getting a much better man than you."

13 votes

CATEGORY Marriage Jokes
Joke Won 5th Place won $10.00
posted by "maryjones" |
$12.00 won 6 votes

A cop pulls a car over on the highway for speeding.

When he asks for the driver's license, the driver argued, "Speeding? But officer, I was only trying to keep a safe distance between my car the the car behind me!"

6 votes

CATEGORY Police Jokes
Joke Won 4th Place won $12.00
posted by "maryjones" |