A wife comes downstairs before a dinner date with her husband.
"Do I look fat in this dress?" the wife asks.
"Do I look dumb in this shirt?" the husband replies.
After being widowed for a few years my sister recently remarried.
When I saw her I asked, "I'll bet your husband talks about his first wife?"
"Not anymore," she told me.
"Why not?"
"I began to talk about my next husband."
One of my employees who was deeply involved in finishing a report for the upcoming board meeting received a call from his wife that had good news and bad news.
Because of the deadline he asked if she could just give him the good news. The wife replied "Okay, the good news is that the air bags work."
A woman rushes into her house one morning and yells to her husband, "Sam, pack up your stuff. I just won the lottery!"
"Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?"
"Whatever. Just so you're out of the house by noon!"