marriage jokes

My husband, who thinks he is always right, had just got home wearing his new orthopedic shoes when he uttered words I never expected to hear...

"I STAND CORRECTED!"

A woman goes to the local newspaper office to see that the obituary for her recently deceased husband is published. The obit editor informs her that there is a charge of 50 cents per word. She pauses, reflects, and then she says, well then, let it read: "Fred Brown died."

Amused at the woman's thrift, the editor tells her that there is a seven word minimum for all obituaries.

She thinks it over and in a few seconds says, "In that case, let it read, 'Fred Brown died. Golf clubs for sale.'"

My wife complained that the kitchen clock had nearly killed her mother, as it fell off the wall seconds after where she had been sitting underneath it.

That darn clock has always been slow.

A man goes to see the Rabbi. "Rabbi," the man replied, "My wife is poisoning me."

The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?"

The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me. What should I do?"

The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her. I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know."

A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says. "I spoke to your wife… spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?"

The man said yes, and the Rabbi replied, "Take the poison."