marriage jokes

Dressing to go for a party, the husband says, ”My suit looks very shabby, and not appealing."

His wife replies, being supportive of course, "Don't worry about it, no one is going to be looking at you anyway."

If Yoko Ono married Sonny Bono, she'd be Yoko Ono Bono...
If Dolly Parton married Salvador Dali, she'd be Dolly Dali...

If Cat Stevens married Snoop Doggy Dogg, she'd be Cat Doggy Dogg...
If Sandra Locke married Elliott Ness, divorced him to marry Herman Munster, she would become Sondra Locke Ness Munster...
If Bea Arthur married Sting, she'd be Bea Sting...

If Ivana Trump married Orson Bean, King Oscar, Louis Mayer, Norbert Wiener, the she'd be Ivana Bean Oscar Mayer Wiener...

And, if Woody Allen married Natalie Wood, divorced and married Gregory Peck, Divorced him for Ben Hur, he'd be Woody Wood Peck Hur!!!

My girlfriend left a note on the fridge saying, "It's not working. I can't take it anymore. I am going to my mothers."

I opened the fridge. The light came on, the beer was cold.

I can't figure out what she's talking about?

The Sheriff's girl friend constantly asked the Sheriff to get married.

Girl: Please, marry me?
Sheriff: I can't. I have to go catch the bank robbers.

Girl: Please, marry me?
Sheriff: I can't. I have to go catch the rustlers.

Girl: Please, let's get married?
Sheriff: I can't I have to go catch those who held up the train.

Moral of the story: Some men would rather fight outlaws than in-laws!