marriage jokes

Category: "Marriage Jokes"
3 votes

The day after his wife disappeared, a man answered his door to find two grim-faced policemen. "We are sorry Mr. Smith, but we have some information about your wife," said one of the policemen.

"Tell me! Did you find her?!" Mr. Smith shouted.

The Policemen looked at each other. One said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and
some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?"

Fearing the worst, Mr. Smith said, "Give me the bad news first."

The Police said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning, we found your wife's body in the sea under the Third Mainland Bridge."

"Oh my God!" exclaimed Smith swallowing hard, he asked, "What's the good news?"

The policeman continued, "When we brought her out, she had five fishes and three tortoises clinging to her."

Stunned, Mr Smith demanded, "If that's the good news, what's the great news?"

The policeman said, "We are going to bring her out again tomorrow."

3 votes

CATEGORY Marriage Jokes
posted by "Nwosu Franklin" |
4 votes

A woman went on vacation, leaving her husband behind. Before she left, she told him to take extra special care of her cat. The next day she called her husband and asked if the cat was all right.
Her husband said, "The cat just died."

She burst into tears and said, "How could you be so blunt? Why couldn't you have broken the news gradually! Today, you could have said that it was playing on the roof. Tomorrow, you could have said that it fell off and had broken its leg. Then on the third day, you could have said that the poor thing had passed away in the night. You could have been more sensitive about the whole thing. By the way, how is my mom?"

"She is playing on the roof."

4 votes

CATEGORY Marriage Jokes
posted by "Nwosu Franklin" |
$50.00 won 15 votes

I asked my friend , "What is the secret behind your Happy Married Life?"

He said "You should share responsibilities with due love and respect each other. Then absolutely there will be no problems."

I asked "Can you explain?"

He said "In my house, I take decisions on bigger issues where as my Wife decides on smaller issues. We do not interfere in each other's decisions."

Still not convinced, i asked him "Give me some examples".

He said "Smaller issues like, which car we should buy, how much amount to save, when to visit the super market, when & where to go on vacation, which sofa, air conditioner, refrigerator to buy. Monthly expenses, whether to keep a maid or not etc. Are all decided by my wife. I just agree to it "

I asked "Then, what is your role?"

He said "My decisions are only for very big issues. Like whether America should attack Iran, whether Britain should lift sanctions over Zimbabwe, whether Bodoland should be formed or not, whether Dhoni should retire from Cricket , Whom should Salman Khan Marry. etc etc. and do you know, my wife; NEVER, objects to any of these decisions...

15 votes

CATEGORY Marriage Jokes
Joke Won 1st Place won $50.00
posted by "mickey" |
$5.00 won 3 votes

Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home!

Sergeant at Police Station:
What is her height?

Husband:
Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

Sergeant:
Weight?

Husband:
Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.

Sergeant:
Color of eyes?

Husband:
Sort of brown I think. Never really noticed.

Sergeant:
Color of hair?

Husband:
Change a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown now. I can’t remember.

Sergeant:
What was she wearing?

Husband:
Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt or shorts. I don't know exactly.

Sergeant:
What kind of car did she go in?

Husband:
She went in my truck.

Sergeant:
What kind of truck was it?

Husband:
A 2015 Ford F150 King Ranch 4X4 with eco-boost 5.0L V8 engine special ordered with manual transmission and climate controlled air
conditioning. It has a custom matching white cover for the bed, which has a matching aftermarket bed liner. Custom leather 6-way seats and "Bubba" floor mats. Trail-ring package with gold hitch and special wiring hook-ups. DVD with full GPS navigation, satellite radio receiver, 23-channel CB radio, six cup holders, a USB port, and four power outlets. I added special alloy wheels and off-road Michelin's. It has custom running boards and indirect wheel well lighting.

At this point the husband started choking up...

Sergeant:
Don't worry buddy. We'll find your truck.

3 votes

CATEGORY Marriage Jokes
Joke Won 10th Place won $5.00
posted by "GDL" |