marriage jokes

Jim decided to tie the knot with his longtime girlfriend. One evening, after the honeymoon, he was cleaning his golf shoes. His wife was standing there watching him. After a long period of silence she finally speaks. "Honey, I've been thinking, now that we are married I think it's time you quit golfing. Maybe you should sell your golf clubs."

Jim gets this horrified look on his face. She says, "Darling, what's wrong?"

”There for a minute you were sounding like my ex-wife.”

"Ex-wife!" she screams, "I didn't know you were married before!"

"I wasn't."

After a tiring day at work, a husband was able to sneak out an hour early. He just wanted to get home and lie down in bed next to his wife.

He gets home and slides into bed next to his sleeping wife. But then he hears a sound coming from underneath. He puts his hand under the bed, expecting to feel the wet nose or tongue of his dog Buddy. He asks, "Is that you, Buddy?"

His hand gets licked and then he hears, "Yes, it's me, Buddy."

Bob was in his usual place, sitting at the table, reading the news. He came across an article about a beautiful actress who was about to marry a man who was known primarily for his bad behavior and lack of good manners.

He turned to his wife with a look of bewilderment on his face. "I'll never understand why the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives."

His wife replies, "Why, thank you, dear!"