marriage jokes

I got up early this morning, still dark out, and went into the bathroom. Thinking I was grabbing the bottle of Listerine, I started gargling with Kaopectate.

My wife is thrilled. "Great!" she said. "Maybe you'll no longer have diarrhea of the mouth!"

Marriage is like a card game. They start with a pair, he shows a diamond, she shows a flush, and they end up with a full house.

John and Nancy were married for 40 years and decided they wanted to renew their vows and planned a second wedding.

They were discussing the details with their friends. Nancy wasn't going to wear a traditional bridal gown and she started describing the dress she was planning to wear. One of her friends asked what color shoes she had to go with the dress.

Nancy replied, "Silver."

At that point, her husband chimed in, "Yep, silver...to match her hair."

Shooting a glaring look at John's bald spot, Nancy's friend said, "So, John, I guess you are going barefoot then."

Al: What kind of woman did you marry?

Sam: She's an angel, that's what she is.

Al: Boy, you sure are lucky. Mine's still living.