marriage jokes

My Mother-in-Law went to the beauty parlor the other day and she was there for five hours...

And that was just for the estimate!

One day, an Eskimo family arrived in New York City. This was the first time out of their native village, and it didn't take long before the wife got lost. The husband asked a passerby for help and was told to go to the police and report it.

When he got there, a police officer asked him for the wife's description. "What's that?" asked the husband. "Well, you see a description is telling what something looks like. For example, my wife is 25-years-old, 5'11", 140 lbs, 38-25-36 measurements. Now, what can you tell me about your wife?"

"The heck with her, lets go look for yours!"

(Husband) Honey bunches, since you want me to loose a little weight I’m going to try some of those low calorie chocolate favored drinks.

(Wife) Really? That’s great cuddle bear! You do realize dumpling they’re only used as a meal replacement right?

(Husband) What are you talking about Sandra?

(Wife) What I'm saying is you can’t use them to wash down chilly cheese fries, Frank!

It's Black Friday and mall is packed with shoppers and Frank can't find his wife. He goes up to a very attractive woman and says, "Excuse me, can you help me? I cannot see my wife, and I know that she is here in the shopping mall somewhere. Can you just talk to me for a couple of minutes?"

The attractive woman replies, "Why?"

Frank replies, "Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife materializes out of thin air."