marriage jokes

A wife once gave her husband the silent treatment for an entire week. She didn't say anything, she just put it into practice. She was hoping it would make him be more attentive to her and to their marriage.

At the end of the week she decided to bring up subject. "You notice anything different about us this past week?"

Without missing a beat, and without having a clue either, he replied. “Yeah, we’re getting along pretty great lately!”

A man was standing in front of the bathroom mirror one evening admiring his reflection, when he posed the following question to his wife of 20 years, “Will you still love me when I’m old, fat, and balding?”

She answered, “Of course I will. I've already been doing it for the past 5 years haven't I?”

A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice: ''Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and will kill you.''

The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished. He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted: ''Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you and you will die.''

The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him. ''Where are you?'' the man asked. ''Who are you?''

''I am your guardian angel,'' the voice answered.

''Oh yeah?'' the man asked. ''So where were you when I got married?''

A woman notices her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. “You know, that’s not going to help,” she says.

“Sure it does,” he answers. “It’s the only way I can see the numbers.”