marriage jokes

Daughter: " I don't like the boy you found for me... his teeth are not in order and he looks ugly when he smiles."

Mother: "Don't worry about that. He will not be smiling after he marries you."

A young couple got married and went on a cruise for their honeymoon.
When they got back home the bride immediately called her mom,
who lived three hours away.

"Well, darling," said her Mom, "How was your honeymoon?"

"It was wonderful, and so romantic. We had a great time," began the bride,
"but as soon as we got home he started using really horrible language. Words
I have never heard before. Really horrible four-letter words!
You've got to come get me...PLEASE."
Then the bride began to sob over the phone and begged, "PLEASE mom, come get me!"

"But honey what did he say, what 4-letter words, you have to tell me what's troubling
you," said her mom.

Still sobbing the bride said to her mother..."Words like....DUST, IRON, COOK, WASH!"

My wife and I went on vacation to a fishing resort. I liked to fish at the crack of dawn. My wife liked to read. One morning I returned after several hours of fishing and decided to take a short nap. Although my wife wasn't familiar with the lake, she decided to take the boat and enjoy the beautiful morning on the water. So she took the boat out a short distance, anchored, and returned to reading her book. Along came the sheriff in his boat. He pulled up alongside my wife and said, “Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?”

“Reading my book,” my wife replied, “Isn't it obvious?”

“You're in a restricted fishing area,” he informed her.

“But officer, I'm not fishing. Can't you see that?”

“Yes, but you have all the equipment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.”

“If you do that, I'll have to charge you with rape,” snapped my irate wife.

“But, I haven't even touched you,” groused the sheriff.

“Yes, that's true,” she replied with a slight smile, “But you do have all the equipment.”

MORAL: Never argue with a redhead.