marriage jokes

A 90 year old geezer married a very young filly and was telling his doctor that they were expecting a baby.

"Let me tell you a story," the doctor said. "There was an absent-minded fellow who went hunting one day, but instead of picking up a gun, he picked up an umbrella. Suddenly, while he was out in the woods, a bear charged him. He pointed his umbrella at the bear, shot and killed it on the spot.

"Not possible!" the old geezer exclaimed. "Someone else must have shot that bear."

"Exactly!" the doctor replied.

Wife: Honey I lost 5 pounds!

Husband: AT LAST... you washed off your makeup!

So, my friend sent me an invitation card to her wedding. I hate weddings, so I sent her a message saying, I am sorry I can't make it now, maybe next time.

She now hates me!

One woman married and had 6 children. Her husband died. She soon married again and had 3 more children. Again, her husband died. But she remarried and this time had 4 more children.

At last, she finally died. Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed to the Lord above, thanking Him, for this loving woman who fulfilled his commandment to "Go forth and multiply." In his eulogy, the preacher said, "Lord, they're finally together."

Leaning over to a neighbor, one mourner quietly asked, "Is he referring to her first, second or third husband?"

The neighbor replied, "I think he's referring to her legs."