marriage jokes
Favorite this joke The Bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand.
Everyone in the room was wondering what was given to the father by the bride. The father could feel the suspense in the air and all eyes were on him to divulge the secret and say something.
So he announced: "Ladies and Gentlemen, today is the luckiest day of my life." Then he raised his hands with what his daughter gave him and said, "My daughter has finally returned my Credit Card to me!!!"
The whole audience burst into laughter. But one was in complete silence... The Groom!
Bob works hard at the plant and spends two nights each week bowling and plays golf every Saturday.
His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.
The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Bob! How ya doin?"
His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.
"Oh no," says Bob. "He's on my bowling team."
When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if he'd like his usual and brings over a Miller Lite.
His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, "How did she know that you drink Miller Lite?"
"I recognize her, she’s the waitress from the golf club. I always have a Lite at the end of the 1st nine, honey."
A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Bob, starts to rub herself all over him and says, "Hi Bobby, want your usual table dance, big boy?"
Bob's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.
Bob follows and spots her getting into a cab.
Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.
Bob tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it.
She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every four-letter word in the book.
The cabby turns around and says, "Geez, Bob, you picked up a real winner this time."
The funeral for Bob is on Friday.
After 20 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the wife felt her husband begin to touch her in ways he hadn't in quite some time.
It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back. He then slid his hand across her shoulders and neck, slowly worked it down one side, then the other, stopping just over her lower stomach.
He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, caressed downward again, working down her side, passed gently over and then in between her buttock and down her leg to her calf. Then, he proceeded up her inner thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and became silent.
As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice, "That was wonderful. Why did you stop?"
"I found the remote," he said.
A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counselling came up.
"Oh, we'll never need that. My husband and I have a great relationship," the wife explained.
"He was a communications major in college and I majored in theater arts."
"He communicates real well and I just act like I'm listening."
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