marriage jokes

My wife asked me to get her a birthday gift that was black and silver and went from 0 to 200 in six seconds.

I got her a new bathroom scale... that's when the fighting really started.

A couple go to a marriage counselor. The husband barely sits down before rattling off a long list of things his wife needs to improve on.

The counselor replied, "Wow, that's quite a long list. How about you ma'am, do you also have a long list of complaints?"

"Nope," she answered, "I only have one complaint."

"What might that be?"

"He lies!"

Why did Heidi Klum need her husband's permission to get a divorce?

She wanted his "Seal" of approval!