marriage jokes

A married couple was celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary. At the party everybody wanted to know how they managed to stay married so long in this day and age.

The husband responded, "On our wedding day, we came to an agreement. I would make all the major decisions and my wife would make all the minor decisions. And now, after 60 years of marriage, I can truthfully say that we have never needed to make a MAJOR decision."

My wife asked me to get her a birthday gift that was black and silver and went from 0 to 200 in six seconds.

I got her a new bathroom scale... that's when the fighting really started.

A couple go to a marriage counselor. The husband barely sits down before rattling off a long list of things his wife needs to improve on.

The counselor replied, "Wow, that's quite a long list. How about you ma'am, do you also have a long list of complaints?"

"Nope," she answered, "I only have one complaint."

"What might that be?"

"He lies!"

Why did Heidi Klum need her husband's permission to get a divorce?

She wanted his "Seal" of approval!