marriage jokes

Husband: Tell me what you'd like for your birthday.

Wife: Frankly, I'd like a divorce.

Husband: Yikes! I wasn't planning on spending that much!

During a 50th anniversary wedding celebration, the father of the bride was asked to give a brief account of the benefits achieved from being married for so long.

He stood up, thought for a long moment, then said, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, meekness, forbearance, self-restraint, forgiveness, and...." he paused.

"And?" someone cried out from the back of the room.

"... and a great many other qualities you wouldn't have needed if you'd stayed single!"

A wife announced to her husband that since today was their 25th wedding anniversary she had been dreaming about pearls, a very strong hint indeed.

Her husband replied, "Wait until tonight dear."

That evening, after a delicious dinner, he gave her the wedding anniversary gift. A book entitled, "How to Interpret Dreams."

That's when the fight started.

Wife to husband: “Did you like supper?”

Trying to be polite, the husband says, “Yes.”

The wife says, “I was just wondering, because when I gave some to the cats they tried to bury it.”