marriage jokes

(Wife) Eleanor Roosevelt said “intelligent people are those with ideas”.

(Husband) That sounds like me I always have ideas!

(Wife) Honey, I don’t think Mrs. Roosevelt was thinking about ideas that start out with, “Hey guys watch this!”

Following a major hurricane, a man worked long hours clearing the jumble of trees that littered his family property. The longer he worked, however, the more painful it became for him to move his right arm.

He repeatedly ignored his wife's pleas to see the doctor until one night he yelped, "Ow! This is getting serious. I need to go see a doctor"

His wife then turned to him in concern. He added, "Now it hurts to push buttons on the remote control."

(Husband) Hey Peaches!
(Wife) Yes chubby cheeks!

(Husband) Please don't call me chubby cheeks!
(Wife) OK, please don't call me peaches!

(Husband) Fine if you promise not to call me chubby cheeks! I'm putting the move on here, are you about ready plum cakes?

(Wife) I'LL BE RIGHT THERE LOBSTER CLAWS!!!

On our seventh wedding anniversary I broke out in hives...

I think they call that the seven year itch!