marriage jokes

Following a major hurricane, a man worked long hours clearing the jumble of trees that littered his family property. The longer he worked, however, the more painful it became for him to move his right arm.

He repeatedly ignored his wife's pleas to see the doctor until one night he yelped, "Ow! This is getting serious. I need to go see a doctor"

His wife then turned to him in concern. He added, "Now it hurts to push buttons on the remote control."

(Husband) Hey Peaches!
(Wife) Yes chubby cheeks!

(Husband) Please don't call me chubby cheeks!
(Wife) OK, please don't call me peaches!

(Husband) Fine if you promise not to call me chubby cheeks! I'm putting the move on here, are you about ready plum cakes?

(Wife) I'LL BE RIGHT THERE LOBSTER CLAWS!!!

On our seventh wedding anniversary I broke out in hives...

I think they call that the seven year itch!

A man went on a dating website, hoping to find a wife. In his profile description he wrote, "Looking for a woman that is smart, pretty, funny, a good cook, organized at home, and has a BASS BOAT!"

He then paused, gave it some more thought, and added, "To be considered, please include picture of the boat."