marriage jokes
Favorite this joke A soldier in my National Guard platoon became concerned when the Army insisted that he sign up for direct deposit. "It’s not going to work for me," he said, panicked.
"Why not?" I asked.
"Because I use my Guard pay for spending money."
"So?"
"For the past ten years, I’ve been telling my wife that I serve for free!"
I’d noticed that my 60-year-old father seemed to be losing his hearing, so I mentioned it to my mother.
"Things haven’t changed that much," she said. "Only difference is, before, he didn’t listen. Now, he can’t."
Mr. and Mrs. Smith were always fighting. Then one morning as Mrs. Smith was driving around town, running some errands, her car was crashed into by a hit and run driver at a relatively low speed.
A police officer rushed up and asked her if she'd taken the car's number.
"I didn't need to," replied Mrs. Smith. "It was my husband in that car."
"Did you see him?" asked the officer.
"No," said Mrs. Smith, "but I'd recognize that laugh anywhere."
A couple was relating their vacation experiences to a friend. "It sounds as if you had a great time in Texas," the friend observed. "But didn't you tell me you were planning to visit Colorado?"
"Well," the husband said, "we changed our plans because, uh..."
His wife cut in, "Oh, tell the truth, Fred!"
Fred was completely silent. After a long pause, the wife continued, "You know, it's just ridiculous! Fred simply will not use any navigation devices or ask for directions!"
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