Humpty: I want to paint my bicycle but i don't have money to buy the paint!

Dumpty: Once when i needed money i sold my watch. Why don't you sell your watch and get the money?

Humpty: No, not my watch! It belonged to my grandfather. But you have given me an idea.

The Next Day...

Humpty: I got the paint!

Dumpty: Then why are you looking so unhappy? Don't tell me you sold your watch!

Humpty: No, not the watch.

Dumpty: Then what did you sell?

Humpty: The bicycle!

MAN: Have you finished ironing my silk shirt?

BUTLER: Yes, sir.

MAN: Then please bring it here. I have to get dressed!

BUTLER: Sir, I was ironing and someone knocked on the door. I went to open it and when I came back I could smell something burning....

MAN: Don't tell me you've burnt my shirt!

BUTLER: I... yes, I did.

MAN: Oh, no! Fortunately I have another silk shirt in the cupboard.

BUTLER: I know that, sir. That's why I cut it up and patched up the one I burnt!

Why are there old dinosaur bones in the museum?

Because they can't afford new ones!

Doctor, Doctor I think I need glasses.

You certainly do, Sir, this is a fish and chip shop!!