Patient: "Doctor, can you tell me what are your fees?"

Doctor: "For the 1st visit I charge $2000 and the 2nd visit is free."

[The patient then decided to lie.]

Patient: "Doctor, this is my second visit."

Doctor: "In that case, please continue taking the medicines that I had prescribed on your first visit."

What do cows listen to on their headphones?

Moo-sic!

The teacher was describing the dolphin and its habits.

"And, children, "she said impressively, "a single dolphin will have two thousand offspring."

"Goodness!" gasped a little girl in the back row. "And how about married ones?"

Drunkard #1: I will become the chief prime minister tomorrow!

Drunkard #2: That's impossible... I haven't resigned yet.