marriage jokes

A men's Sunday school teacher asked the men how they would spend the next 30 days if they knew the world would end. The first man said, "I would spend it on a mission to Africa."

They all agreed this was a great idea. The second man said, "I would volunteer at the local hospital and help as many as possible."

They all agreed this was a worthy goal as well. The third man said if he only had 30 days to live he would spend every minute with his ex-wife. They were all shocked at his answer as he had endured a most miserable marriage to a shrew.

"Why would you want to spend your last 30 days with a woman you hated?" they asked.

'Well, I really am not looking forward to the end of the world and I would want to delay it as long as possible. And believe me, living with my ex-wife would make 30 days seem like an eternity!"

Trying to control my dry hair, I treated my scalp with olive oil before washing it. Worried that the oil might leave an odor, I washed my hair several times.

That night when I went to bed, I leaned over to my husband and asked, "Do I smell like olive oil?"

"No," he said, sniffing me. "Do I smell like Popeye?"

A married man left work early one Friday, but instead of going home, he spent the weekend partying with the boys. When he finally returned home on Sunday night, his wife really got on his case and stayed on it.

After a few of hours of swearing and screaming, his wife paused and pointed at him and made him an offer. “How would you like it if you didn’t see me for a couple of days?”

The husband couldn’t believe his luck, so he looked up, smiled, and said, “That would suit me just fine.”
Monday went by, and the man didn’t see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday went by and he still didn’t see her.

Come Thursday, the swelling went down a bit and he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.