A husband comes in from the garage. His wife asks, "What's wrong?"
He replies, "I lost something. I thought I had put it somewhere safe in the garage."
"How many safe places are there in the garage?" she asks.
"Clearly one more than I can remember."
A man asks his wife, "What would you do if I won the lottery?"
His wife says, "Take half and leave you."
The man replies, "Great! I won 12 bucks, here is six, now get out!"
Husband: What's your fee for getting a divorce?
Lawyer: $800
Husband: But you charged only $300 for my marriage license a few years ago!
Lawyer: Freedom is always expensive.
Wife: "I have blisters on my hands from the broom."
Husband: (trying to be playful) "Next time take the car, silly."