Husband: What's your fee for getting a divorce?
Lawyer: $800
Husband: But you charged only $300 for my marriage license a few years ago!
Lawyer: Freedom is always expensive.
Wife: "I have blisters on my hands from the broom."
Husband: (trying to be playful) "Next time take the car, silly."
Husband: Honey, it looks like I'm not going to make it so I want to get something off my chest.
Wife: What is it dear?
Husband: I've been having an affair with your best friend, Julia, for the past year.
Wife: Oh yes. I know all about it.
Husband: You do!
Wife: Yes dear, Why do you think I poisoned you.
A couple was having a discussion about family finances.
Finally the husband exploded, "If it weren't for my money, the house wouldn't be here!"
The wife replied, "Honey, if it weren't for your money, you wouldn't be here!"