marriage jokes

Husband and wife are having a conversation.

Wife: "​Since we got married, we don't go out anymore and we never go eat at nice restaurants. You are not romantic anymore. You never say sweet things to me anymore."​

Husband: ​(Chuckling)​ "Oh Darling, don't look too much into it. You know I still love you. But have you ever seen a politician campaigning after winning an election?"

Dressing to go for a party, the husband says, ”My suit looks very shabby, and not appealing."

His wife replies, being supportive of course, "Don't worry about it, no one is going to be looking at you anyway."

If Yoko Ono married Sonny Bono, she'd be Yoko Ono Bono...
If Dolly Parton married Salvador Dali, she'd be Dolly Dali...

If Cat Stevens married Snoop Doggy Dogg, she'd be Cat Doggy Dogg...
If Sandra Locke married Elliott Ness, divorced him to marry Herman Munster, she would become Sondra Locke Ness Munster...
If Bea Arthur married Sting, she'd be Bea Sting...

If Ivana Trump married Orson Bean, King Oscar, Louis Mayer, Norbert Wiener, the she'd be Ivana Bean Oscar Mayer Wiener...

And, if Woody Allen married Natalie Wood, divorced and married Gregory Peck, Divorced him for Ben Hur, he'd be Woody Wood Peck Hur!!!

My girlfriend left a note on the fridge saying, "It's not working. I can't take it anymore. I am going to my mothers."

I opened the fridge. The light came on, the beer was cold.

I can't figure out what she's talking about?