George and Mary were celebrating their 50th anniversary and were spending the night in the famous Washington DC Watergate Hotel. After retiring at midnight Mary recalled the spy story at the Watergate and asked her husband to get up and check the room.
Disgruntled he looked behind the mirror, the pictures, under the bed and finally under the big circular carpet in the center of the room under the chandelier. Mary exclaimed, "There, look, there is a big plate there, look under it."
Fortunately George had his Swiss Army knife and unscrewed the four large screws, finding nothing. Satisfied the room was not bugged they both went to sleep. Upon checkout the next morning the clerk asked them if they had any problems in their room last night. No, they replied and asked why he asked.
He told them that at midnight the room under them had the chandelier fall down in the center of their room.
My wife asked me to buy ORGANIC vegetables from the market. I went and looked around and couldn't find any. So I grabbed an old, tired looking employee and said, "These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?"
The produce guy looked at me and said, "No. You'll have to do that yourself."
A twice married and divorced well-to-do business man named Ralph felt he finally found his soul mate in a woman half his age. Betty, his new wife, was pretty, dirty blond hair, and not all that bright, but Ralph didn't care. He would do anything to make her happy, and on Betty's birthday he called her out to the front yard.
"Happy Birthday!" he shouted as he proudly showed off Betty's gift, an immaculate 1957 Chevrolet Bel-Air 2 door hard top classic car.
"Wow!" Betty exclaimed. "That's a really ancient looking car. It must be more than 20 years old!"
"Try 50! Honeybunch, I have a business trip to go on. This car will make you a ton of money. There's a bunch of events coming up in Johnson County and when I get back, I bet you're gonna make me a happy man when I find out how well you did."
Ralph left on his trip, and upon his return, as he was driving up the block to his house, he noticed a tow truck in his driveway. Pulling up he saw his dear old classic car on the truck bed, smashed to smithereens. Running into the house, he yelled for Betty.
"What in the world happened to your car?"
"I won first prize, $1000, that's what happened," Betty replied.
"First prize, where?" Ralph asked astonishingly.
"At the Johnson County Demolition Derby!"