marriage jokes

Wife: "I have blisters on my hands from the broom."

Husband: (trying to be playful) "Next time take the car, silly."

Husband: Honey, it looks like I'm not going to make it so I want to get something off my chest.

Wife: What is it dear?

Husband: I've been having an affair with your best friend, Julia, for the past year.

Wife: Oh yes. I know all about it.

Husband: You do!

Wife: Yes dear, Why do you think I poisoned you.

A couple was having a discussion about family finances.

Finally the husband exploded, "If it weren't for my money, the house wouldn't be here!"

The wife replied, "Honey, if it weren't for your money, you wouldn't be here!"

One night I woke myself up with a loud "Hello!" to someone in my dream. As the next day came and went, I thought the nocturnal outburst was mine alone to remember.

But that night, as my wife and I were getting ready for bed, she said dryly, "If you see anyone you know tonight, just wave."