Mom: Son, you’re good in math. Now I’m going to ask you a question.

Son: Okay, mom.

Mom: Your dad gives you 3 apples. Then I give you 4 apples. What’s your answer?

Son: Thank you very much?!?!?

School supplies now a days:

1. Cellphone
2. Charger
3. Headphones
4. iPod
5. Food
6. Money
7. Copied homework

No English dictionary has been able to explain the difference between the two words COMPLETE AND FINISHED. Some people say there is no difference but there is.

When you marry the right person, you are COMPLETE.

When you marry the wrong person, you are FINISHED.

And if you marry someone who spends too much money, then you are COMPLETELY FINISHED.

I got into an argument with this thug in a pub. I backed away, but as I was leaving he shouted, “I know where you live!”

I was really worried for a while, but it turned out he works for Royal Mail Parcelforce, so his threat almost certainly isn’t true.