marriage jokes

As I grew a beard my wife said, "That beard looks ugly."

I replied, "I'm growing a beard to keep the girls away."

She laughed, "There aren't any girls around."

"There," I quipped, "it's working already."

A husband stepped on one of those penny scales that tell you your fortune and weight and dropped in a coin.

"Listen to this," he said to his wife, showing her a small, white card. "It says I'm energetic, bright, resourceful and a great lover."

"Yeah," his wife nodded, "and it has your weight wrong, too."

On his way out of church, Frank stopped at the door to speak to the minister. "Would it be right," he asked, "for a person to profit from the mistakes of another?"

"Absolutely not!" replied the pastor.

"In that case," said the young man, "I wonder if you'd consider returning the hundred dollars I paid you to marry my wife and me last July?"