marriage jokes

An elderly couple were on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came up and washed the old woman overboard.

They searched for days and couldn't find her, so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something. Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat. It read: "Sir, sorry to inform you that we found your wife at the bottom of the ocean. She had passed away. We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her backside was an oyster and in it was a pearl worth $50,000. Please advise."

The old man faxed back: "Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap."

Mary Jane: "Your husband's birthday is coming up. What are you getting him?"

Wife: "Oh, 100 of his favorite cigars."

Mary Jane: "What did you pay for them?"

Wife: "Nothing! For the last few months I have taken one or two from his box daily. He has not noticed and will be delighted with my ability in getting the kind he always smoked."

My wife said last night: "You treat our marriage like it's some sort of game."

Unfortunately, this cost her 12 points and a bonus chance.

I hate it when my wife says, "Are you listening to me?!"

Such a random way to start a conversation.