marriage jokes

Bill's second anniversary was coming up and his wife Suzy had recently been upset about how much time he spent at the office. He needed a thoughtful gift to show her how much he cared.

Bill asked all of his clients and co-workers what would be a good anniversary present, and he eventually settled on a huge bouquet of flowers.

He wasn't sure he could pick the right flowers by himself, so he called a local florist and asked them to create a big, beautiful bouquet to be delivered the next morning with the following note "Happy Anniversary! Year Number Two!"

The following morning, Bill received an angry phone call from his wife Suzy.

"What is this all about?!" she demanded.

Bill was perplexed. He thought she would love the flowers.

"What's the matter with it, dear?" he asked.

She read the card aloud to him. "Happy Anniversary! Your number two!"

"Last week a grain of sand got into my wife's eye and she had to go to the doctor. It cost me fifty dollars."

"That's nothing, last week a fur got in my wife's eye and it cost me five hundred dollars."

After a round of golf two guys, one a newlywed, were at the 19th hole talking about the recent marriage.

First golfer: "You say you are your wife's third husband?"

Newlywed: "No, I am her fourth husband."

First golfer: "Heavens man, you are not a husband, you are a habit."

Neighbors of ours had a terrible disagreement over a patio they wanted for their backyard. The wife had rather grand ideas, while the husband wanted costs kept to a minimum. The wife won out, and the construction bill climbed higher and higher.

I dropped by one day, when the patio was near completion, and was surprised to find the husband smiling from ear to ear as the workmen smoothed over the surface. I remarked how nice it was to see a grin replace the frown he had been wearing lately.

"You see where they're smoothing that cement?" he replied. "I just threw my wife's credit cards in there.