marriage jokes
Favorite this joke Seeing her friend Marcia wearing a new locket, Ashley asks if there is a memento of some sort inside.
“Yes,” says Marcia, “a lock of my husband’s hair.”
“But Larry’s still alive?”
“I know, but his hair is gone.”
Trying to disguise his voice, Carl calls his ex-wife and asks to speak to himself.
Jody, his former wife says, "Carl, look, we are not married anymore -- quit bothering me!"
The next day, Carl calls again, resulting in the same sequence of events.
The following day though when he calls, his ex-wife says, "Listen. I told you we're divorced, split, it's over -- period! We're divorced. Why do you keep calling here?"
"Well Jody, it's just that I can't hear that often enough."
Deciding to give his wife a pleasant surprise, the husband took home some flowers and a box of candy. "Hazel, you look tired," he said to his wife. "Slip on your best outfit and lets go out to eat."
Hazel bursts into tears. "It was bad enough to have the baby fall down the back steps and burn my hand in the kitchen," she sobbed, "but to have you come home intoxicated is just too much!"
A girl asked an old bachelor friend whether he had been disappointed in love?
"No, I never was exactly disappointed in love. I was what you might call discouraged. You see, when I was very young I became much enamored with a young lady of my acquaintance. I was mortally afraid to tell her of my feelings, but at last I got the courage to the proposing point. I said 'Let's get married!'"
"And what did she say?
"She said, 'Good Lord, Who'd have us.'"
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