marriage jokes
Favorite this joke Recently, my husband put his car in reverse and accidentally drove it into a wall. He took it to his mechanic, who replaced the dented bumper.
A few days later, he did it again. "I'm so embarrassed," he moaned, reaching for the phone.
"Why not tell her it was me this time?" I suggested.
"Maybe I will," he said while dialing. "It worked the last time."
This is a story of self-control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed woman with a small pistol against a fierce predator. Here's her story in her own words:
"While walking along the edge of a pond just outside my house in the Villages discussing a property settlement with my soon-to-be ex-husband, and other divorce issues, we were surprised by a huge 12-ft alligator which suddenly emerged from the murky water. It began charging us with its large jaws wide open. She must have been protecting her nest because she was extremely aggressive.
If I had not had my little Ruger .22 caliber pistol with me, I would not be here today! Just one shot to my estranged husband's knee cap was all it took. The gator got him easily, and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace.
The amount I saved in lawyer's fees was really incredible and his life insurance was also a big bonus!"
My poor wife was sick in bed with the flu. Being a dutiful husband, I offered to fix her some of her favorite herbal tea. I couldn't find the tea though and went back upstairs to ask where it was.
She said, "I don't know how it could be any easier to see. It's in the pantry, third shelf down, in a cocoa tin marked 'matches'. Can't see how you missed it?"
The married couple were in the middle of an argument.
Husband: "Do u know the meaning of the word WIFE? It means 'Without Information Fighting Everytime!'"
Wife: "You're wrong, it means 'With Idiot For Ever!'"
Free Daily Joke