marriage jokes
Favorite this joke The divorce proceedings had been long, contentious and extremely heated. Finally, the husband's attorney rose for one last try at a no-alimony divorce.
"Your Honor," he said, "my client sincerely believes his wife is just being ridiculous. Why, most women would love to have a husband who still believes in chivalry, and on the day in question, he was only opening the door for her out of chivalry."
"Counselor," replied the judge, "I am granting the divorce and the settlement Mrs. Smith is asking in its entirely. I simply cannot believe chivalry was the motivation for your client opening that car door - while he was driving down the freeway at 65 mph."
No offense, but I was raised to “take care of my husband”...
Wash his clothes, clean the house, wear gloves, get rid of the body, act really sad at the funeral.
"For heaven's sake, Chris, why can't you talk to me once in a while?" Julie whined.
"What?" Chris replied.
"Look around!" Julie yelled, as she pointed around the room. "Look at all these books! You always have your head buried in a book! You don't even seem to know I'm alive!"
"I'm sorry, honey," Chris said.
"Sometimes I wish I were a book. Maybe then you'd at least look at me!" Julie exclaimed.
"Hmmmm," Chris mumbled, "that's not such a bad idea. Then I could take you to the library every few days and change you for something more interesting."
Top 3 situations that require witnesses:
1) Crimes
2) Accidents
3) Marriages
Need I say more?
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