A woman in my office recently divorced after years of marriage, had signed up for a refresher CPR course.
"Is it hard to learn?" someone asked.
"Not at all," my co-worker replied. "Basically you're asked to breathe life into a dummy. I don't expect to have any problem. I did that for 12 years."
For years my sister’s husband tried unsuccessfully to persuade her to get a hearing aid.
“How much do they cost?” she asked one day after he had pitched the idea to her again.
“They’re usually about $3000,” he said.
“Okay, well if you say something worth $3000,” she replied, “I’ll get one.”
When our second child was on the way, my wife and I attended a pre-birth class aimed at couples who had already had at least one child. The instructor raised the issue of breaking the news to the older child.
It went like this: "Some parents," she said, "tell the older child, 'We love you so much we decided to bring another child into this family.' But think about that. Ladies, what if your husband came home one day and said, 'Honey, I love you so much I decided to bring home another wife.'"
One of the women spoke up immediately. "Does she cook???"
Bill's second anniversary was coming up and his wife Suzy had recently been upset about how much time he spent at the office. He needed a thoughtful gift to show her how much he cared.
Bill asked all of his clients and co-workers what would be a good anniversary present, and he eventually settled on a huge bouquet of flowers.
He wasn't sure he could pick the right flowers by himself, so he called a local florist and asked them to create a big, beautiful bouquet to be delivered the next morning with the following note "Happy Anniversary! Year Number Two!"
The following morning, Bill received an angry phone call from his wife Suzy.
"What is this all about?!" she demanded.
Bill was perplexed. He thought she would love the flowers.
"What's the matter with it, dear?" he asked.
She read the card aloud to him. "Happy Anniversary! Your number two!"