Husband: Honey, it looks like I'm not going to make it so I want to get something off my chest.
Wife: What is it dear?
Husband: I've been having an affair with your best friend, Julia, for the past year.
Wife: Oh yes. I know all about it.
Husband: You do!
Wife: Yes dear, Why do you think I poisoned you.
One night I woke myself up with a loud "Hello!" to someone in my dream. As the next day came and went, I thought the nocturnal outburst was mine alone to remember.
But that night, as my wife and I were getting ready for bed, she said dryly, "If you see anyone you know tonight, just wave."
A married couple are arguing back and forth about the husband's time on Facebook and Twitter.
The wife threatens, "If you continue to spend more time on Twitter and Facebook, then I will spend more time on Amazon and EBay!"
The husband goes offline immediately.