"Darling," said the husband to his new bride, "I am not casting any reflections on your cooking, but I sure wish you could learn to make the kinda of bread my mother use to make."
"I don't think that should be too difficult," she said sweetly, "If you will learn to make the dough my father used to make."
Grandpa John was celebrating his 100th birthday and everybody complimented him on how athletic and well-preserved he appeared. "Gentlemen, I will tell you the secret of my success," he cackled. "I have been in the open air day after day for some 75 years now."
The celebrants were impressed and asked how he managed to keep up his rigorous fitness regime.
"Well, you see my wife and I were married 75 years ago. On our wedding night, we made a solemn pledge. Whenever we had a fight, the one who was proved wrong would go outside and take a walk."
The pastor of a local church was visited by a man evidently worse for liquor, and a young lady.
She said to the minister, "Please, sir, we've come to be married."
"I can't marry you with this man in this condition," said the clergyman. "Besides haven't you been here twice before, and haven't I told you the same thing?"
Yes, sir, you have," replied the lady. "But when he isn't drunk, I can't get him to come with me, sir."
My mom is a less than fastidious housekeeper.
One evening my dad returned home from work, walked into the kitchen and teased her, "You know, dear, I can write my name in the dust on the mantel."
Mom turned to him and sweetly replied, "Yes, darling, I know. That's why I married a college graduate."