marriage jokes

Category: "Marriage Jokes"
$6.00 won 3 votes

During his wedding rehearsal, the groom approached his pastor with an unusual offer. "I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows, and leave out the 'love, honor, obey, and forsake all others' part." He pressed a $100 bill in the pastor's hand and walked away with a satisfied smile.

On the day of the wedding, the groom was feeling pretty pleased when the pastor got to the part where the vows are exchanged. The pastor looked him in the eye and asked, "Will you promise to bow before her, obey whatever command she gives, fulfill her every wish, serve her breakfast each morning, and swear before God that you'll not look at another woman as long as you both shall live?"

The groom gulped and looked astonished, but he finally said "Yes" in a tiny voice. He then leaned in toward the pastor and whispered, "I thought we had a deal?"

The pastor pressed the $100 bill back into his hand and whispered in return, "She made me a much better offer."

3 votes

CATEGORY Marriage Jokes
Joke Won 9th Place won $6.00
posted by "wadejagz" |
$6.00 won 5 votes

There is a man who goes out drinking all the time and comes home very later every night. So one night his wife decides to teach him a lesson.

She dresses up like Satan, and decides to hide in the dark, and scare him when he gets home. The man comes home and his wife jumps out and screams in his face.

He just looks at her and says, “You don't scare me. I am married to your sister!”

5 votes

CATEGORY Marriage Jokes
Joke Won 9th Place won $6.00
posted by "D-Gellybean" |
2 votes

My husband retired, and for the first time in over 40 years I had to think about preparing midday meals. Tired of it after several months, I said, "I married you for better or worse, but not for lunch."

"Fair enough. From now on I'll make my own," he replied. A few weeks later he had to go downtown on business and invited me to join him afterwards.

"We could have lunch at that Chinese place we both like," he suggested.

I happily agreed. At the restaurant the next day we were seated and the waitress came to take our order. My husband looked up, a twinkle in his eyes and said, "Separate checks, please..."

2 votes

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posted by "Frank Bieniek" |
$12.00 won 9 votes

At a local gun show two guys were bragging about their wife's abilities.

"My wife's a fine shot. She can hit a dollar every time."

"That's nothing. My wife goes through my trousers and never misses a dime."

9 votes

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Joke Won 4th Place won $12.00
posted by "Benjones" |