A husband and wife were arguing about who gets to go to the gym and who has to stay home and babysit.
The husband says, "If the gym just had child care we could go together."
To which his wife replied, "I think you'd frighten away the other children dear!"
My husband was going on a diet, but when we pulled into a fast-food restaurant, he ordered a milkshake. I pointed out that a shake isn't exactly the best snack for someone who wants to lose weight. He agreed, but he didn't change his order.
The long line must have given him time to make the connection between his order and his waistline. As the woman handed him his shake, she said, "Sorry about the wait."
"That's okay," he replied. "I'm going to lose it."