At 8 p.m. one night, a pilot who had run out of fuel made an emergency landing at a top secret government base. He was quickly surrounded by security and taken inside to be interrogated. The interrogation was grueling because they wanted to make sure it was an unplanned landing and he was not a spy.
The interrogation lasted all night. At 6 a.m. they refueled his plane and let him go with his promise never to return. Four hours later he returned and landed again. Security met him on the runway. They asked him why he had come back.
"I know I promised never to return but I brought my wife and now you have to tell her where I was all night..."
A young couple were having their first fight, and it was a big one. After a while the husband said, "Do you happen to remember your wedding vows from when we got married?"
His bride replied: "Yeah, yeah, whatever. I didn't want to start an argument in front of all those people at the wedding."
The homeowner got into his old work clothes one Saturday morning and set about all the chores his wife had been urging him to do all week.
He cleaned the garage, pruned the hedge, and was halfway through mowing the lawn when a woman pulled up in the driveway and called out her window, "Say, what do you get for yard work?"
The fellow thought for a moment and then answered, "The lady who lives here lets me live with her."