marriage jokes

My wife packed my bags and told me to leave.

As I was headed out the door, she said, "I hope you live a long and lonely life!”

I replied, "So now you want me to stay?"

My mate recently got divorced from his wife.

They decided to split the house.

He got the outside.

I said to my wife: "When I die I'd like to die having sex."

She replied: “At least it’ll be quick.”

Upon arrival at the Pearly Gates, you are allowed one wish for anyone you left behind, back on earth.

St. Peter explained this to a woman who had just recently arrived, and asked what her one wish would be.

"Well, I just wish my son would get married and be happy."

"Look lady, it's just one wish; make up your mind!"