My sister has been divorced 3 times and is in a new relationship, so her attorney gave her a reward card.
The next divorce is on the house.
Lately my wife has been telling me, when she gets out of bed, she has a headache...
Maybe I should tell her to get out of bed feet first.
Wife: "Do you want to eat something?"
Me: "Maybe, what are the options?"
Wife: "Yes or no!"
Why are men with pierced ears well prepared for marriage?
Because they have already experienced pain and bought jewelry.