A nurse’s station at a hospital gets a phone call. The caller says, "I’m calling about Mr. Smith in room 403. How is he doing?”
The nurse replies, “His blood pressure went up and we treated him. He’s okay now.”
The voice asks, “Are you sure? I’m worried about him and was wondering if he’ll be at the hospital for long.”
“No, he’s fine now,” says the nurse. “In fact, he will be discharged tomorrow. Would you like to talk to him?”
“No thanks,” says the voice. “This is Mr. Smith in room 403. I’ve been looking for some information but there is never anyone around."
A couple were returning home after a night out. The husband forgot his keys so the wife, a little annoyed, uses her keys to try to open the door. But the lock wouldn't budge. She asked her husband to turn on the flashlight and tried it again. The lock wouldn't budge. After trying for 20 minutes, she finally hands over the keys to the husband and says, "Here, you try".
The husband inserts the key into the hole and turns. The lock opens immediately. No sooner the husband takes the key out of the locks, the wife quips, "You see... now THAT'S how you hold the light!"