misc jokes

An Antartian wanting to learn how to fly a plane signs up at a small airport and was told they only equipment available is a helicopter. The Antartian thinks for a moment and says, "That’s fine, I'll just learn how to pilot a helicopter." After some ground instructions the day of the solo comes and the Antartian is at the commands of the helicopter. He goes up 1000 feet with no problem, climbs to 2000 and the instructor asks “ Is everything o.k.” The Antartian responds; “yes everything is going well.” The instructor is very happy to have such a great student and decides to give him the last test, so he orders the Antartian to climb to 3500 feet, make a turn and land. The instructor goes out to see the landing when suddenly he sees the helicopter falling down. Luckily after all that the student pilot was alive, and the instructor asked him, “ what happened when everything was going so well? The pilot replied: "It was getting cold so I turned the outside fan off."

A Preacher was giving a sermon one Sunday morning, when he noticed old man Brown sound asleep in the last pew. He asked the Congregation: "All those who want to go to Heaven, stand up!" All rose except old man Brown. After the Congregation sat down, he yelled at the top of his voice, "ALL THOSE WHO WASNT TO GO TO HELL, STAND UP!!!" Old man Brown woke up, stood up, looked around and said, "I don't know what we are voting on, Reverend, but whatever it is, we sure are in the minority!!"

Q. When is a doll not a doll?
A. When it's a doll-ar!

Q: Why did the melon and the honeydew have a big wedding?
A: Because they cantaloupe!