misc jokes

I went to dinner with my husband, a male friend of ours, Jim, and his new girlfriend, Dorothy.

While eating dinner we got on the subject of vacations. Dorothy said that she wanted to go to Gotham City for her next vacation.

I tried to explain to her that it wasn't a real place. She laughed and said, "It is, too. It's where Batman lives."

I laughed and looked over at Jim who smiled and told me she was serious. I then tried to explain. "Batman does not exist. Why do you think there have been four of them: Bale, Clooney, Kilmer and Keaton?"

She looked me straight in the eye and said, "That's because he doesn't want anyone to know who he really is."

While carpenters were working outside the old house I had just bought, I busied myself with indoor cleaning. I had just finished washing the floor when one of the workmen asked to use the bathroom.

With dismay I looked from his muddy boots to my newly scrubbed floors. "Just a minute," I said, thinking of a quick solution. "I'll put down newspapers."

"That's all right, lady," he responded. "I'm already trained."

Now I lay me down to sleep,

I pray the Lord my shape to keep.

Please no wrinkles, Please no bags,

Please lift my butt before it sags.

Please no age spots, Please no gray,

As for my belly, Please take it away.

Keep me healthy, Keep me young,

And thank you Lord, For all you've done.

Your shadow is confirmation that light has traveled nearly 93 million miles unobstructed, only to be deprived of reaching the ground in the last few feet thanks to you.